Do I really have to say it? It snowed. I think at least 32" here. It snowed so much that I had to take the plexiglass window out of my screen door and stick the shovel out and shovel that way in order to open the front door and make it to the stoop. So much that there is about 5' of snow on the side of the road (and at the end of my driveway, or would've been had my neighbor not attacked it with his AWESOME snowblower) where the plows came by. At least we got plows though. Ah, the benefits of living on a snow emergency route.

People, it snowed so much that Charlie doesn't even like it. And she's kind of a snow whore. I think its because she can't go out exploring. Just keeps coming up against a wall of snow thats at least twice as high as she is.  Can't see over it even when she stands on her hind legs.

I have sweat under my boobs people. Thats how much I've been shoveling. Boob sweat is NOT comfortable. One of the many, many downsides of having tons-of-tits. Oh...the day I can have a reduction...But I digress. We're really not talking about my breasts. We're talking about the snoosturm of the day.

We got a lot of napping done here in Dogtopia. And some knitting. Mostly napping. Though I did get a bit of Peggy's Xmess socks done, wound a few skeins of yarn, blocked a shawl, and cast on and began to knit a new shawl. Did I say we napped a lot?

I'm telling you, all of the napping and non-snow-exploring tired Charlie out.




See?

        

I'm officially sick of travelling. Hell, I was sick of travelling last month. Can I please stay home for a while?

You'd think that with all the flying I've done there'd be a mess of FO's, but there isn't. You'd think then I'd have cast on for a ton of projects at least. I haven't. Its kind of upsetting, I feel so unproductive. Especially since I've had quite a bit of time just sitting. I go on another business trip this weekend, by bus, so I have 3 hours to kill. I'll probably sleep, since the bus leaves so frackin' early on Sunday morning, but there'll still be some time with nothing to do, and I can't read on the bus or I'll hurl. So I've cast on for a chevron-style scarf which I already don't really like.

Maybe I'll start another pair of socks. You can never have too many pairs of socks, can you?

And while I'm thinking about it, I need to come up with a better way of photographing everything. What do you use? Light-box suggestions anyone?

        

Yes, I pretty much went back into therapy after Sydney died. I'm still having trouble with his death. Fortunately for me, I've been seeing this doctor for many years. More than I want to admit to on a blog. In the past year we've not only discussed losing Sydney, but how his death fits into so much else in my life and how I react, medicated or not.

Its almost 1 year since he died. And still around this time each month, for a few days before the 13th and a few days after, I get emotional.  Not necessarily weepy emotional, sometimes I'm just more likely to snap at someone or take things the wrong way. And it sneaks up on you.

I've noticed that certain things affect me physically. Depression makes me tired. Like so tired I feel like I'm lacking oxygen and my limbs can hardly move. Emotional upset, like ending a relationship, sometimes even rejection, that burns, like I've been rubbed raw with a grater. Loss, like Sydney's, that hurts. Thats like I've been beaten with a baseball bat. But the bruises are on the inside.

You know that you have to change your actions and behaviors in order not to repeat the same mistakes over and over. You can try to convince yourself that you have, that you did, that things are different from what they were before. You're not going to let things affect you like they have in the past. But you know that saying, 'whereever you go, there you are?' It applies in your head too. Just how possible is it to change behaviors and feelings? Sadness is sadness and disappointment is disappointment. I think the worst part of being an adult, being responsible for your actions and behaviors, is that you aren't allowed to react. Sometimes I just want to lie on the floor and have a tantrum. Or sit in the corner and cry. The closest I've been able to get to any of that is after Sydney died (yes, I refuse to say 'passed' or 'crossed over' or 'left us') I would sit and wail. But then I had to go right back to work. 24 hours later even. And there's no way I can sit with my doctor and just wail. I can't let myself go like that.

The semi-anonymity of a blog is kind of nice sometimes.You CAN let yourself go a bit. You can ramble and just put down random thoughts. You can admit that you still sob and cry yourself to sleep some nights. You can admit that you let yourself get hurt by minor disappointments. You can admit that you're still way too sensitive even after all of these years trying not to be. Doesn't help much, but still, you can do it. Its kind of like journaling. Or writing a letter to someone and never sending it.

Why the hell is catharsis so hard to find?

Why can't it be as easy to find as coffee?


 
Because apparently I can find that even while driving.

        

Suck it 2009.  Let's not repeat you, ok?

Sorry all, my time was really taken up last year with trying to keep my head above water financially (in case you hadn't noticed, people weren't really spending money, which makes my job difficult because then stores don't buy anything from ME), a whole lot of therapy to help me deal with losing Sydney, and keeping Charlie from driving me even more insane than I already am.

Its not that she's bad.  Its just that she's not good.  I'm trying to get us started with private training classes as soon as I can (yeah, I know I've been saying that since last April).  Hopefully that way I can work around the insane travel schedule I have for the next 2 months.  Fortunately or unfortunately I will be taking on more responsibility so my father can start working only with our key accounts.  Crazy starts this weekend.  Overnight in Atlanta for a trade show.  Yay.  Especially since the whole explosive pantieliner incedent...I better be allowed to bring knitting on the plane sohelpme. 

So, I'm going to attempt to be better at blogging this year.  It may work since I'll now be able to blog when I'm on the road since the new netbook came to live with us.  I call her Charlotte.  Don't know why, just do.

Maybe next blog post I'll have pictures of new yarn acquisitions, or things I've knit, or dogs or something.  Maybe next blog post I'll actually be interesting.

I'm a bit rusty.

        

Watch this.

        

Walter Cronkite
Allen Greenspan
Tim Russert
Sandra Day O'connor
Michelle Obama
Lee Iacocca
T. Boone Pickens
Warren Buffet
Henry Kissinger
Bill Clinton
Bill Gates
Rudolph Nureyev
Queen Elizabeth
Margaret Thatcher



I'm limiting to people who were or still are alive during my lifetime, even if it was only part of it.  Otherwise the list would be a lot longer.  I'm sure there are more names to come.

        

So I was listening to my local NPR station today on my way to a customer and they were discussing the future of the Republican Party in Maryland.  Former Lieutenant Governor, now head of the GOP Michael Steele came up.  And one of the analysts on the program, who prior to this statement had in no way been bashing the Republican Party said, "Michael Steele is the Michael Scott of the Republican Party."  I'm serioulsy glad I wasn't drinking anything at that moment because I'd have spit it out or choked or died or something.  I actually guffawed.  Really.

In other news, I've finally become a twat.  A twit.  A twitterer?  A victim of time suckage really.

Though I've been spinning and knitting, so I must not be losing too much time.  I'll detail that later, maybe even post a picture or two about it, but not right now.  Sorry.

My bff is in town and I'm going to see her and the kids tomorrow!!!!  YAY!

        

Lucky for us.

        

Kinda wonder what she's up to...

        

And no, I don't know how it got there.  So, because of that, and the fact that I've been lax on taking knitting or spinning pictures, I'm going to just post this



and be done with it. 

Jesus Lady everyone. 

Thank you. 

Good night. 

Please don't forget to tip your waitress.