Freak of Knit-ture

This post brought to you by Snowmageddon 2010 and sweat. Lots of both.

The PuppyMomma — 2010-02-07T16:27:00Z

Do I really have to say it? It snowed. I think at least 32" here. It snowed so much that I had to take the plexiglass window out of my screen door and stick the shovel out and shovel that way in order to open the front door and make it to the stoop. So much that there is about 5' of snow on the side of the road (and at the end of my driveway, or would've been had my neighbor not attacked it with his AWESOME snowblower) where the plows came by. At least we got plows though. Ah, the benefits of living on a snow emergency route.

People, it snowed so much that Charlie doesn't even like it. And she's kind of a snow whore. I think its because she can't go out exploring. Just keeps coming up against a wall of snow thats at least twice as high as she is. Can't see over it even when she stands on her hind legs.

I have sweat under my boobs people. Thats how much I've been shoveling. Boob sweat is NOT comfortable. One of the many, many downsides of having tons-of-tits. Oh...the day I can have a reduction...But I digress. We're really not talking about my breasts. We're talking about the snoosturm of the day.

We got a lot of napping done here in Dogtopia. And some knitting. Mostly napping. Though I did get a bit of Peggy's Xmess socks done, wound a few skeins of yarn, blocked a shawl, and cast on and began to knit a new shawl. Did I say we napped a lot?

I'm telling you, all of the napping and non-snow-exploring tired Charlie out.

See?

All this and I didn't even get a lousy t-shirt.

The PuppyMomma — 2010-01-30T05:04:00Z

I'm officially sick of travelling. Hell, I was sick of travelling last month. Can I please stay home for a while?

You'd think that with all the flying I've done there'd be a mess of FO's, but there isn't. You'd think then I'd have cast on for a ton of projects at least. I haven't. Its kind of upsetting, I feel so unproductive. Especially since I've had quite a bit of time just sitting. I go on another business trip this weekend, by bus, so I have 3 hours to kill. I'll probably sleep, since the bus leaves so frackin' early on Sunday morning, but there'll still be some time with nothing to do, and I can't read on the bus or I'll hurl. So I've cast on for a chevron-style scarf which I already don't really like.

Maybe I'll start another pair of socks. You can never have too many pairs of socks, can you?

And while I'm thinking about it, I need to come up with a better way of photographing everything. What do you use? Light-box suggestions anyone?

I don't always like what I find when I look inside myself.

The PuppyMomma — 2010-01-12T04:30:00Z

Yes, I pretty much went back into therapy after Sydney died. I'm still having trouble with his death. Fortunately for me, I've been seeing this doctor for many years. More than I want to admit to on a blog. In the past year we've not only discussed losing Sydney, but how his death fits into so much else in my life and how I react, medicated or not.

Its almost 1 year since he died. And still around this time each month, for a few days before the 13th and a few days after, I get emotional. Not necessarily weepy emotional, sometimes I'm just more likely to snap at someone or take things the wrong way. And it sneaks up on you.

I've noticed that certain things affect me physically. Depression makes me tired. Like so tired I feel like I'm lacking oxygen and my limbs can hardly move. Emotional upset, like ending a relationship, sometimes even rejection, that burns, like I've been rubbed raw with a grater. Loss, like Sydney's, that hurts. Thats like I've been beaten with a baseball bat. But the bruises are on the inside.

You know that you have to change your actions and behaviors in order not to repeat the same mistakes over and over. You can try to convince yourself that you have, that you did, that things are different from what they were before. You're not going to let things affect you like they have in the past. But you know that saying, 'whereever you go, there you are?' It applies in your head too. Just how possible is it to change behaviors and feelings? Sadness is sadness and disappointment is disappointment. I think the worst part of being an adult, being responsible for your actions and behaviors, is that you aren't allowed to react. Sometimes I just want to lie on the floor and have a tantrum. Or sit in the corner and cry. The closest I've been able to get to any of that is after Sydney died (yes, I refuse to say 'passed' or 'crossed over' or 'left us') I would sit and wail. But then I had to go right back to work. 24 hours later even. And there's no way I can sit with my doctor and just wail. I can't let myself go like that.

The semi-anonymity of a blog is kind of nice sometimes.You CAN let yourself go a bit. You can ramble and just put down random thoughts. You can admit that you still sob and cry yourself to sleep some nights. You can admit that you let yourself get hurt by minor disappointments. You can admit that you're still way too sensitive even after all of these years trying not to be. Doesn't help much, but still, you can do it. Its kind of like journaling. Or writing a letter to someone and never sending it.

Why the hell is catharsis so hard to find?

Why can't it be as easy to find as coffee?

Because apparently I can find that even while driving.

So, yeah...

The PuppyMomma — 2010-01-05T04:43:00Z

Suck it 2009. Let's not repeat you, ok?

Sorry all, my time was really taken up last year with trying to keep my head above water financially (in case you hadn't noticed, people weren't really spending money, which makes my job difficult because then stores don't buy anything from ME), a whole lot of therapy to help me deal with losing Sydney, and keeping Charlie from driving me even more insane than I already am.

Its not that she's bad. Its just that she's not good. I'm trying to get us started with private training classes as soon as I can (yeah, I know I've been saying that since last April). Hopefully that way I can work around the insane travel schedule I have for the next 2 months. Fortunately or unfortunately I will be taking on more responsibility so my father can start working only with our key accounts. Crazy starts this weekend. Overnight in Atlanta for a trade show. Yay. Especially since the whole explosive pantieliner incedent...I better be allowed to bring knitting on the plane sohelpme.

So, I'm going to attempt to be better at blogging this year. It may work since I'll now be able to blog when I'm on the road since the new netbook came to live with us. I call her Charlotte. Don't know why, just do.

Maybe next blog post I'll have pictures of new yarn acquisitions, or things I've knit, or dogs or something. Maybe next blog post I'll actually be interesting.

I'm a bit rusty.

Yeah, I'm still alive.

The PuppyMomma — 2009-10-07T03:45:00Z

Watch this.

A list (at least a partial list) of people that I'd like to meet or wish I had met. In no particular order.

The PuppyMomma — 2009-07-27T03:34:00Z

Walter Cronkite
Allen Greenspan
Tim Russert
Sandra Day O'connor
Michelle Obama
Lee Iacocca
T. Boone Pickens
Warren Buffet
Henry Kissinger
Bill Clinton
Bill Gates
Rudolph Nureyev
Queen Elizabeth
Margaret Thatcher

I'm limiting to people who were or still are alive during my lifetime, even if it was only part of it. Otherwise the list would be a lot longer. I'm sure there are more names to come.

BEST. QUOTE. EVER.

The PuppyMomma — 2009-07-16T03:44:00Z

So I was listening to my local NPR station today on my way to a customer and they were discussing the future of the Republican Party in Maryland. Former Lieutenant Governor, now head of the GOP Michael Steele came up. And one of the analysts on the program, who prior to this statement had in no way been bashing the Republican Party said, "Michael Steele is the Michael Scott of the Republican Party." I'm serioulsy glad I wasn't drinking anything at that moment because I'd have spit it out or choked or died or something. I actually guffawed. Really.

In other news, I've finally become a twat. A twit. A twitterer? A victim of time suckage really.

Though I've been spinning and knitting, so I must not be losing too much time. I'll detail that later, maybe even post a picture or two about it, but not right now. Sorry.

My bff is in town and I'm going to see her and the kids tomorrow!!!! YAY!

Charlie isn't afraid of fireworks.

The PuppyMomma — 2009-07-04T15:58:00Z

Lucky for us.

Thank you Sarah Palin

The PuppyMomma — 2009-07-04T01:04:00Z

Kinda wonder what she's up to...

I think I have a mosquito bite on my butt.

The PuppyMomma — 2009-07-01T03:09:00Z

And no, I don't know how it got there. So, because of that, and the fact that I've been lax on taking knitting or spinning pictures, I'm going to just post this

and be done with it.

Jesus Lady everyone.

Thank you.

Good night.

Please don't forget to tip your waitress.

The lightning bugs certainly are delightful tonite. And where the hell is my jet pack?!?

The PuppyMomma — 2009-06-27T01:10:00Z

Only 22 lbs of alpaca remain in my living room. Thank goodness.

Unfortunately though, I have three pairs of socks and a baby sweater still on the needles. And I've got spindles upon spindles of fiber I've been spinning, with no place to put them. Though I did buy 2 more niddy noddies tonite so I can wind some of it off of them. What the hell is wrong with me?

You think I'm the one thats tired right?

Wrong.

I'm pretty sure that sometime in the 1980's I was promised that I'd have a jet pack or a hover car by now. Or at least by 2010. Sure hope they're working on those. I expect at least one promise to be kept. Its not like I'm going to have the benefit of social security, right?

Press forward?

The PuppyMomma — 2009-06-02T04:00:00Z

Phoenix, the dog from my last post died over the weekend. Apparently her kidneys couldn't take it.

They're currently offering a $3000 reward to anyone who helps put the asshole/s who did this away.

Should I still go forward with a raffle to raise money for her bills, etc? Please let me know.

Intolerable cruelty.

The PuppyMomma — 2009-05-29T03:18:00Z

No excuse for it. None.

Yesterday evening there was a local news story that had me sobbing uncontrollably. Someone doused a 2 year old pit bull with lighter fluid and set her on fire. People stood and watched the dog running in flames down the street AND DID NOTHING. A police officer was the one to put out the flames. And the dog lived. She has 3rd degree burns over 90% of her body and they took her into the shelter and she looked at them and WAGGED HER TAIL! So they decided to try to save her. If she was going to fight they were going to fight with her.

I cried myself to sleep last night. What kind of evil is in people to do something like this?! (You can read the newspaper story here.)

I spoke today with the Baltimore Animal Rescue and Care Shelter where she was taken originally. She is still alive and fighting. They've moved her to another animal hospital in Pennsylvania. They're taking donations in to help pay for her initial care.

With the help of some of my Friends of Piddleloop riends from Ravelry I"m going to be putting together a raffle (knitting related of course) to hopefully help raise some money. We raised more than enough when we did one for Vinnie, so I'm sure we can do it again.

In the next day or two I'll blog again with details. And try not to cry.

This is not a Maryland Sheep and Wool post.

The PuppyMomma — 2009-05-04T04:00:00Z

Not really.

I'm ready for the rain to stop now. KTHXBAI.

It made working at Tess' Designer Yarns booth a bit muggy and soggy. Especially today. Which was worse because I had my hair cut and colored yesterday, so I can't get it wet/wash it until tomorrow. So I spent most of the day entirely covered by a raincoat. But it was actually busy. Surprising, considering the rain.

I DID come back with a bit of a haul. Weird, considering I wasn't planning on buying anything and really didn't WANT anything. Until I got there of course.

I'm going to share the most important stuff now, and I'll tell about the rest later. But lookie.

A MOOSIE. I was lucky enough to contact them about any available orphans and I scored this one! Its a crappy picture, but she is beautiful. Of course, I had to find something perfect to spin on it, so I found this.

Two silk caps.

But I was still having a bit of a Bosworth jones. So little Miss Mahogany came home today too.

(Insert big cheesy grin RIGHT HERE.)

My knees, my back, my feet...they're killing me. Apparently I'm not as young as I was this time last year. But on the nifty side, I got to have a great conversation today with Amy Singer of Knitty. We were matching up some silk lace-weight at Tess' for her. It was fun to play.

I picked up some other stuff, like a jumbo flyer for my Hitchhiker that I got last year, beeswax hand cream. My mother not only bought the Moosie for me, but also some size 4 circular glass needles from Sheila and Michael Ernst, which makes pair #4. They're in the Lime and Violet color. No picture I took does them justice, so you'll have to imagine them.

I'm going to bed now.

Can you forgive me for being a bit lax in the introductions?

The PuppyMomma — 2009-04-25T04:23:00Z

This is Charlie.

Charlemagne Foxy Brown Bear, to be exact. She's our new rescue. Charlie is 17 months old and is making up for a lot of lost puppy time. We picked her up on the 11th of this month.

Honestly, I wasn't completely ready, but Conan was very depressed, even the vet commented about it. I just couldn't let him be unhappy, so I contacted Sydney's foster mom who is now the co-chair of East Coast rescue for Cavalier Rescue. And then I cried about it and thought about it, and when we met Charlie I kind of felt like she'd be ok. She has much the same background as Conan. Puppy mill dog, sick when little, never socialized to humans or other animals, crated for waaaaay too long every day. Within 15 minutes of her coming home with us she had climbed into Conan's toy bin and pulled out EVERY toy, and de-stuffed or de-squeakered 3 of them. Needless to say, she now has her own toys and toy bin. You'd think that'd solve Conan's issue of her touching his stuff. But no. She still goes into his toys and chews the ears off of them.

They do play together though. Usually tug-o-war, but sometimes Conan will even chase her or run around the yard with her.

Don't let the qte-ness fool you. She's 13 lbs of pure energy-drain. The only way to REALLY tire her out is to have the neighbor's hyper kid come and play with her for a while.

Good friends are worth their weight

The PuppyMomma — 2009-03-12T03:20:00Z

In chocolate. Seriously. Theresa and baby Mr. Chuckleface came over to see me and Conan this eveing, and surprised me with a bag of sympathy chocolate and yarn. I may not have a ton of friends, but the ones I do have...man-oh-man, they're priceless. Be it luring me out of the house with Starbucks and sock knitting, to sending me surprises, to chocolate delivery, I wouldn't trade any of you for the world!

Theresa and the baby were the first people I've had over since Sydney died. I'm glad they came by, baby-time always helps. And there's a reason (besides the fact that I will not name my friends' kids on my blog, they can, but I won't) that I call him Mr. Chuckleface. What a beautiful happy boy. He just keeps growing. Mr. Chuckleface likes dogs, so he was having a good time watching Conan and trying to grab/pet him. It was even better when we took him next door to Peg and Jerry's. He was belly-laughing at Molly and Emma. That's the way to cheer me up, baby laughs make almost everything ok.

Oh, and here's the yarn.

Its fromIntention Yarn, the colorway is called Joy. It really is beautiful. I need better lighting in the living room.

Warm-fuzzy Wednesday. I could definitely use more of them.

There's a reason she's my best friend.

The PuppyMomma — 2009-03-06T03:50:00Z

Its not the greatest of pictures, but can you see why she is so special? Its from a picture of Sydney and her youngest son that is one of my favorite pictures. She had it made so I can have Sydney with me everywhere. I'm still kind of at a loss for words to say how great she is and how very lucky I am to have a friend like her.

Oddly, it was a reasonably good day all around. I got some nifty goodies while at a customer.

So, um, yeah. Its a pig. And a keychain. And a coin-keeper. And a pirate.

And because I actually needed them....

Some new USB drives.

Now this last one, my customer actually gave to me.

Don't hate me because I have an R2D2 backpack and you don't. I can't help it.

All of today's goodies aside, it really is starting to get easier. I don't cry every day, or each time Sydney's name is mentioned. Once or twice I'll tear up here and there, and at least my eyelids are no longer peeling from all of the crying.

People are coming out of the woodwork with support. Last week I got a surprise package from two of the Friends of P gals, Becca and Kristy, just because they were thinking of me. It was filled with super stuff. Check it...

Some handmade stitch markers (not sure which one of them made them), a little folding scissor (which I actually need!), some alpaca sock yarn (oh, so very soft, and in my favorite color too - GREEN), a nail file/ruler, sock blockers that Kristy made. She needs to sell them.

A super-rockin'-awesome little sheepy notions pouch, and a bag from Loopy Yarns. Tell me I didn't feel special. You'd be lying.

I've gotten an amazing amount of sympathy cards, e-mails, PMs and comments from all over the place. Thank you guys. I can't say how much it helps to know that I'm cared for and that Sydney was cared for. I want to hug each and every one of you.

Step by step

The PuppyMomma — 2009-02-25T04:33:00Z

I really don't grieve well. I don't like it. I actually feel grief, physically. When its a breakup I'm mourning, for example, my skin burns. When its a loved one its full body pain. Like I've been beaten with a baseball bat. Its taken a bit, more than a few days I'll admit, but its getting easier. For both me and Conan. I know it helped me to get Sydney's ashes back. It feels like he's home.

I really want to thank everyone for their thoughts, be it here, on Plurk, on Ravelry, on my phone. Its so touching to know how many peoples' lives my little man touched, even over the internet, and how many people care about me. It helped a lot. While cleaning off my desktop computer's hard drive the other day I came across some pictures of him and Conan when they were younger. It made me smile. I'm going to have to post some of them here at some point.

So really, other than coping, I've been doing my darnedest to stay busy. Not so easy in this economy, but I'm going to keep trying. I have been knitting away rather diligently on my Lady Eleanor stole. How come no one told me that entrelac was fun?!? (I know Heather, you did. I just didn't listen.)

Anyway, thats my update for right now. Sorry its not so detailed or anything, but I really just wanted to thank everyone for being so supportive.

Friday, February 13, 2009

The PuppyMomma — 2009-02-18T04:10:00Z

On Friday, February 13, 2009 I had to put my, or should I say our, beloved Sydney to sleep. He had all but stopped eating, even turning up his nose at treats, and was in discomfort that we were having trouble controlling. I couldn't ask him to go on living like that, as much as I wanted to. My next door neighbor Peg drove us to the vet while Conan stayed with her husband Jerry and their dogs. I held my sweet boy in my arms and felt him stop breathing and his heart beat its last in my hand. Even the vet was upset. I don't remember loss ever feeling this painful in my life. Conan and I miss him deeply. Our house is too quiet, our lives too lonely. Even though we only had our sweet boy for 3 1/2 years, I can't remember life without him, and I'm pretty sure Conan is feeling the same way. Every day he has been looking for his brother and can't find him.

Sydney died just over a month shy of his 14th birthday. He would have been 14 on March 17th, the day before my birthday. We didn't have nearly enough time with him. Everyone who met Sydney fell in love with him, because of his personality, his sweet face or the fact that when he barked his front feet would come off of the ground. We called it 'popping wheelies'.

Every moment of Sydney's life with us was special. I'd never give up even a second, not for all the money in the world. But I really, really wish I had more. With every fiber of my being I wish I had more time with him. My life has been changed for knowing you sweet boy. My heart is broken with the loss of you and a part of it will always be empty for lack of you. Thank you for choosing us.

Please, if you have pets or children, hug them closer now. Tell them you love them. I won't be able to whisper that in Sydney's ear anymore and I'll never feel like I told him enough.

Apparently I have to blog more often.

The PuppyMomma — 2009-02-09T17:16:00Z

I'm not posting frequently enough for Christine. Maybe that's because Princess Poo is your child and therefore I don't have access to as many cute pictures of her, ever think about that Chris? IYou could bring here here could keep posting dog pictures but I'm pretty sure you'd get tired of all of them too. Especially since this is supposed to be more of a knitting blog. Or a half-ass knitting blog.

Really whats taking my time right now (and no, its not teaching sock knitting to BJ, she's a fast learner) is Sydney. He's beginning to show signs that his heart disease and age are catching up with him. Right now its about managing pain/discomfort and making sure his life has quality. He's still very active, but when he cries it breaks your heart, so we're trying very hard to make sure he doesn't need to cry. I'm waiting on a call back from the vet as I type this.

So, thats the skinny. Good and depressing huh?